awesomepeoplehangingouttogether:
Bill Nye the Science Guy and the Mythbusters.
this makes me cry. just. all of this.
there’s just so much science all packed into this one post
SCIENCE.
SCIENCE RULES
Relapse
I find myself wondering why im feeling like this again after feeling better the last few months. It literally feels like ive developed phobias of opening up to people. Im usually open with my parents but i feel like if im not an emotional wreck then they will never believe me when i say that im feeling depressed again. The fact that im starting work soon doesnt add to my fear of telling them. Im genuinely afraid that they will simply say that im trying to get out of working. Its impossible to tell someone how it feels if they arent you. How could i possibly tell them, or anyone the gut wrenching emptiness i feel everyday, the fear to leave my room for fear i may have an episode, that i think everyday about how my life is so material that my diaappearance would hardly be noticed. I know maybe its merely the state of my depressed mind, but all the help amd counseling just makes me have more questions. Makes me wonder if im truly in control of my mental faculties or if im slowly losing my mind. I feel lately that i connect more closely with characters in shows than with my own friends. People always say that saying this stuff online is just an attention grab, and it is. Im scared and i dont know why this feeling never goes away. All i want is to get better, i would give anything i own or possess. I always imagine my mental junping jacks sort of as a fight or debate between the multiple aspects of myself. The me that acts calm and over analyzes things, the brash angry me, the loving caring me, and any other aspects of myself. The main feelings i have about all of this are fear, loneliness, and weariness. Im tired from all the mental hurdles and backflips my mind does around my own mortality.
